


fall in mutual weirdness (and call it love)

by orphan_account



Series: Getting to Tomorrow [4]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-10
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-03-29 23:58:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3915535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, what’s made this particular ride go past possibly-idiotic straight into crazyville is how he just spent a good quarter of an hour ignoring some rather important reports simply to stare after said lethal attractive person like a besotted fool, stomach doing the strangest back flips every time Khan <i>smiled</i>. And not even at <i>him</i>."</p><p>Potential destruction of planets has got nothing on feelings and emotions, when it comes to panicking one James T. Kirk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	fall in mutual weirdness (and call it love)

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for schmoop and emotionally constipated idiots.

Jim sits perched on Bones’ table in the large medical area, tapping his fingers across the PADD without really seeing any of it.

Ostensibly, he’s going through updated stats on the Augment Reintegration Program. But what he’s _actually_ doing is staring at Khan as he walks around checking on the cryotubes holding his family.

And it’s all getting _ridiculous_.

See, Jim’s done this before more times than he can count. (No really, he honestly can’t count how many people he’s lusted after/slept with in his 27 years of life. It’s probably hit the hundreds by this point.) The fact that he wants to jump an attractive someone’s bones isn’t really all that strange a thing for him. Even if that someone once made a very good attempt at killing him…

Actually, that wouldn’t be the first time, now that he thinks about it.

So yeah, him lusting after someone completely inappropriate and possibly life threatening? Not a new thing.

No, what’s made this particular ride go past possibly-idiotic straight into crazyville is how he just spent a good quarter of an hour ignoring some rather important reports simply to stare after said lethal attractive person like a besotted fool, stomach doing the strangest back flips every time Khan _smiled_. And not even at _him_.

It’s been over seven months since the _Vengeance_ crashed through the city of San Francisco, killing hundreds of people and taking down a good chunk of the city’s buildings for good measure.

A lot has changed in that time.

For one, Khan and his people are no longer criminals sentenced to permanent cryostasis until death. In the past five months, after the trials and private inquisitions, multiple meetings and miles and miles of pointless red tape, they finally reached the fair verdict they’d been striving for.

Khan is now sentenced to lifetime service to Starfleet as penitence for his crimes, but his people are free. His one-man war against Starfleet just to give a good life for his family is finally going to be realized – the augments are free to awaken and live as they wish, with the only caveat that they follow the basic rules of the Federation till they came up with their own preferred living situation.

Even Khan admitted a while back that – despite the indentured servitude – it is still a better deal than he ever hoped to get from the humanity that has wronged him and his people for so long.

And now, the long awaited time is finally here.

Over the next five days, the augments are scheduled to be awakened in batches of ten to fifteen. This is to ensure there is ample time for each newly awakened augment to adjust and re-orient themselves in a safe space without leading to mass panic. And also so the situation can be contained in case Khan goes back on his word or the augments decide to riot. (The latter isn’t actually mentioned anywhere on the Starfleet agenda, but it sure as hell goes without saying they’re worried about that.)

But if someone were to ask him just then, Jim would vouch for Khan without a second thought. Would bet his life that Khan would not betray them.

And that right there says everything about how _much_ things have changed. How you can grow to respect and understand and know a person, when you give them a chance and _they_ let _you_ in, in return.

And that right there is also why Jim is totally, utterly fucked.

See, he was fine hating Khan for all the deaths the man caused. He was fine being angry and ashamed of himself for finding the superhuman attractive and being hopelessly drawn to him. He was even fine when he realized the true extent of Starfleet corruption and decided to fight for the augments on Khan’s side.

When things started going ass over teakettle was _after_ that.

Working so closely with the man, Jim got glimpses of what lay beneath that cold aloof exterior.

And every glimpse left him breathless and craving _more_.

The mess of contradictions, the unique union of emotion and logic that formed the backbone of Khan’s psyche. The razor sharp brain that never failed to take Jim’s breath away, the strength of a dozen tigers caged within an elegant façade. The brutal fairness the augment was capable of, but which he would ignore in a heartbeat – not for himself, but for the people he extended his protection to. The formidable loyalty, the deeply hidden kindness. The truly appalling sense of humor that made Jim crack up anyway. The man was a complex puzzle that never failed to fascinate.

And then the inquisition happened.

Listening to Khan reveal the horrors he endured… His childhood, the corruption on Earth at that time, the things Marcus had done to control one of the most proud, superior beings like a puppet on a string. That Khan watched his whole family die and slept in hope of a better future, only to wake up to Marcus, who used _children_ as leverage to play cruel tricks with him.

Jim had to admit he’d have done a lot worse than try to exterminate a whole organization if that was his life.

With this understanding came the incontrovertible truth that he and Khan are maybe more similar than he thought. The realization that they aren’t so much yin and yang, as many shades of grey interlocking in a perfect mosaic.

Add that to the attraction he already felt for the man…

It scared the shit out of Jim.

(He may have slept with a good chunk of the universe’s population, but he’s never felt anything _deeper_ before. And there’s no denying that the things he feels for Khan are anything but shallow.)

So he reacted in typical Jim Kirk fashion and slept with literally every person he found even vaguely attractive. Sleep his way out of his deepening feelings for Khan through meaningless sex with other people, get it out of its system, etc. It seemed like a great plan at the time.

Yeah, it didn’t work.

Once he realized _that_ , he turned to the other best human remedy for wanting to forget things – alcohol. He drank himself under the table every night for a brief while, scaring even Bones with how drunk he got.

But then Spock and Uhura staged an intervention and told him in no uncertain (Spock) and rather colorful (Uhura) terms that they didn’t save his life only to have him die of liver failure. And that put an end to _that_.

Which just left him in the end with one hell of a hangover and an insane desire to cuddle six foot tall ex-emperors.

And staring after Khan now in that medical area, stomach doing stupid acrobatics every time the man smiled at his frozen family, Jim says – fuck it.

He doesn’t believe in no-win situations. If ‘forgetting’ isn’t really working, he’ll just have to face the problem head on.

He’s gonna seduce an augment tonight.

Surely once he’s actually _had_ the man, the near obsession will go away on its own and Jim can go back to normal? His obsessions have always been intense and fleeting, so surely all he needs is one good bout of fantastic sex to get past this?

And even if it _doesn’t_ work out that way, he’d definitely be up for repeat performances. He wouldn’t mind keeping it going for a while with Khan (who truly is a ridiculously beautiful man, goddamn). Keep it casual, have a bit of fun. It’d be great.

It’s not like he’s proposing _marriage_. What’s the worst that could happen, right?

(Famous last words.)

*

Jim jumps off the table, stashing his PADD and the reports as a lost cause. Spock has already been through them. If there’s anything out of place he’d have been informed.

He walks up to Khan. The augment doesn’t look up at him; the man is standing over one of the cryotubes, looking down at the occupant with something almost like _yearning_. When he gets closer, Jim sees it is Katia.

Starfleet finally released the cryotubes into Jim’s hands about a fortnight ago. In that time, he’s come to learn the names and something of the personalities of the seventy-two sleeping augments. From the way Khan talks about her and the things he heard at the inquisition, Jim figures Katia is the closest thing to a caregiver Khan’s ever had, never mind that they’re barely two years apart.

“Eager for tomorrow?” Jim asks as he draws level with the augment.

“You have no idea,” Khan replies in a soft, almost reverent tone as he runs a finger along the side of Kati’s tube.

“Yeah, I probably don’t,” Jim concedes. “Unlike jumping into a shot glass off a bridge from a moving car, reuniting with friends after 300 years isn’t in my extensive repertoire.”

Khan finally looks up at him, to quirk an eyebrow that is three parts amusement and one part fondness.

And the fact that Jim knows Khan’s eyebrows well enough now to discern the minutiae of his emotions, dear god. There is no way to describe how _entirely_ he’s fallen off the deep end.

There is only one way to combat this.

He will be smooth and suave and get Khan into his bed already. He can do this. He’s only done it like a million times before. Jim’s _good_ at this.

Khan keeps looking at him, the slightest of quirks tilting up the corner of his lips _just so_ to add to the cocked eyebrow, cold intelligent eyes actually seeming warm and inviting… and Jim can feel multiple parts of his brain short-circuiting.

“Wangodinner?” he blurts in a jumble. _Why_.

The other eyebrow now lifts and the scale slides to include mild concern for his sanity on top of the fond amusement.

“Excuse me?”

Jim takes a deep breath and enunciates carefully.

“Do you want to go out, have dinner? I found a new place last week. Said they serve the most authentic Indian food this side of the world. Wanna go and see if they live up to it?” Jim stops himself there before the rambling gets out of hand and waits expectantly.

Khan frowns. “I am not allowed out of this facility without Starfleet clearance and a pre-approved escort. You know that, Jim.”

Easy peasy.

“ _I’m_ Starfleet and currently your commanding officer,” Jim says, walking backwards towards the security panels near the entrance, grinning. He punches in a few key codes, offers his hand for a biometric scan. “And I say you need some time out tonight. Big day tomorrow, Mr. Ex-Emperor. And nothing takes off the last minute jitters like a fun night out in good ol’ San Fran.” 

Hopefully followed by a fun night _in_ – if Phase One of Jim’s plan works out.

*

 _Phase One of the plan_ , Jim thinks dazedly much, much later, as Khan shoves him hard against his bedroom door, kissing him with a ferocity that sends all blood rushing south, _is a total and complete success._

Well of course it is. Jim’s plans are awesome.

(But after that he doesn’t think much at all because suddenly his clothes are gone and Khan’s clothes are gone and little things like higher cognitive function and forming meaningful sentences take a temporary vacation.)

*

He takes it back.

For a genius, he can also be such a blistering _idiot_.

The thing is – everything had gone so well, the plan itself had been a roaring success. There was just the tiny flaw that Jim had refused to acknowledge the thing that was staring him right in the face all along. He should’ve seen this coming.

And now he’s an even bigger emotional mess. Great.

Dinner had been lovely, the Indian place really had lived up to its claim. The food had been amazing, the company even more so, and Jim honestly hadn’t had a date that enjoyable in _years_.

They’d taken a short walk after towards Jim’s rented apartment, maintained for when he was on Earth. When they got there, Jim had asked Khan up for coffee.

“Coffee?” Khan had asked, head titled the slightest bit. The strobe neon lights from the bar down the road cast purple and green beams on him. His eyelashes glowed violet, his hair a swathe of midnight surrounding the other-worldly face. “Why would I want coffee? We just had drinks at dinner.”

“Well, we wouldn’t actually be drinking any,” Jim had replied, shooting the classic James Kirk Seductive Playboy smirk at the augment, leaning back casually against the wall, cocky and relaxed. Inviting.

Khan’s eyes had widened, his posture abruptly straightening as he understood. His expression was inscrutable, but in for a penny… Jim had quashed that tendril of nervousness and pushed on.

“So I ask again, would you like to come up for _coffee_?” Another come-hither smirk, a swaggering wriggle to his hip.

Khan had looked at him for a beat longer, pale glittering eyes missing nothing.

“Yes.” Khan’s voice had been a low dark rumble that made electricity zip up Jim’s spine. “Yes, I’d like that.”

Which is what led to Jim finding himself waking up amidst rumpled bedding the next morning in a room that still smelled of sex, wrapped up in a certain ridiculously attractive superhuman.

And if Jim thought he was besotted before, it was nothing compared to the positively alarming swoop his heart did when he saw Khan’s sleep creased and tousled head on the pillow next to him.

“Good morning?” Jim croaked, trying to get his rebelling internal organs under control. Khan’s eyes blinked open, the shade a vibrant sky blue today in the grey dawn light. They were trained unwaveringly on him for countless seconds, Jim’s stomach infusing with molten warmth the longer it went on.

“Indeed,” Khan finally said in a sleepy rumble, leaning forward to kiss Jim again, talented mouth sucking all thoughts out of Jim’s head.

Later, after Khan had gathered up his clothes and left for the medical facility, Jim kicked himself metaphorically for being idiot enough to believe that all it’d take is one quick tumble to get someone like Khan out of his head.

The man was, literally, biologically engineered human perfection. It was gonna take a lot more than one night for Jim to stop feeling like a teenage girl with her first crush.

*

And so began the time where Jim went into a friends-with-benefits deal with a 300-year-old superhuman.

It wasn’t even the most ridiculous sexual relationship he’d ever started, so that was saying something.

He tried to sleep with other people too for the first two weeks, just to prove to himself that he and Khan weren’t in a relationship.  But they left him feeling strangely sick and like he was _cheating_ , for god’s sake, and that just wouldn’t do.

So yes, he was now occasionally (try at least twice a week) sleeping with Khan, and now and then (more like every other night) taking him out to dinner. And it was somewhat monogamous at this point, at least on Jim’s side.

It didn’t mean they were in a relationship.

Especially seeing as how Khan was incredibly busy now with his newly awakened family and Jim himself was gearing up for their first mission on the newly renovated _Enterprise_. The mission would take weeks. By the time he came back, Khan would be long forgotten and Jim could go back to enjoying his no-strings, playboy life.

He steadfastly ignored how less and less appealing such a lifestyle seemed every day, especially compared to the sparkle of grey-blue-green eyes smirking at him across the breakfast table.

*

The thing is, Jim’s never ever had something that drew him back planet-side when he was in space before.

He _loved_ being in space, loved the infinite expanse of stars and planets around him, the inky darkness of it. Sometimes all he wanted was to explore even farther, travel through the cosmos into the great unknown. If given the opportunity and ability at any point in his life before, he’d have just set out and never looked back. And he would have had no regrets.

But now, after barely two weeks in space, Jim just wants to head back _home_.

The whole mission makes him absolutely miserable. And Jim will not admit this (can’t even think the word in his head without wanting to curl up in embarrassment) but he, James Tiberius Kirk, is _pining_.

It’s a travesty is what it is.

The mission seems to crawl by. It’s a relatively low-key, boring mission – and the awful part is, it actually _stays_ low key, which is just his fucking luck. He’d give anything for a high adrenaline life-or-death situation right now. Anything to stop him from brooding into his crappy replicated sandwich while swigging his crappy replicated root beer.

“Captain, may I have a word?” a voice pipes up behind him.

“Yes, Mr. Spock?” Jim sighs, turning.

“I have some reports on the rehabilitation of the augments that you might be interested in,” Spock sits down next to him, sliding over a PADD.

Jim barely restrains himself from doing a full body lurch to clutch at the PADD like a parched man in a desert. He slides open to the contents and… there it is. A video, in the very first folder, of Khan interacting with his crew. Jim drinks it in.

Khan already appeared to be even more relaxed and happy than when Jim left him, in those first few weeks right after the augments were awakened. He seemed to have found his place amongst them again, commanding leader and loyal friend mixing seamlessly together.

He flicks through the reports quickly, and they’re all positive. With the stabilizing influence of Khan and a promise for a peaceful future, the members of Khan’s crew seem content to just relearn the world again and live their lives. The air of mourning casting a pall over them is undeniable, for the loved ones they lost, their dead children – but there is an air of hope too.

“Command is considering a task force to find an appropriate planet for those augments who wish to form their own colony elsewhere,” Spock continues. “I came to ask if you would like for us to express our interest in carrying out that mission as well.”

“Yeah,” Jim says, taking one last look before letting the screen go blank. “I’d like to see this through to the end, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes,” Spock admits, the slightest shift of his expression settling into what Jim mentally slots as his ‘self-deprecating smile face’. After years of knowing the half-Vulcan, Jim knows exactly what those changes mean by now. “In fact, I may have begun compiling a list of potential planets on my own…and New Vulcan may even be at the top of the list.”

Jim blinked, looking up. “You want the augments to settle with your people?”

“We weren’t always a peace-loving people, Jim,” Spock’s non-smile goes crooked around the edges. “My people changed their ways after seeing atrocities and retaliating in kind, after countless wars waged for revenge and rage. Death and sorrow are intimately tied in our history. Perhaps, the augments will find peace and belonging with us in a way humanity can never provide for them.”

 Jim squeezes Spock’s shoulder, smiling back. “I’ll talk to Khan about it when we get back.”

*

Jim returns to Earth after six weeks in space.

The whole debrief meeting, Jim feels like a flayed-open nerve. The brass keeps asking question after question about a mission that was so brain-numbingly boring it was nothing more than a haze in Jim’s mind while he was _living_ it, and they’re actually making him _revisit_. Especially at a time he could instead be spending having some amazing sex with the maybe-possibly-love-of-his-life.

This is what true torture is.

It finally ends after what feels like eons and Jim stumbles out of HQ, heading straight for the med-hangar where Khan’s people were awakened.

When he finally gets there, it’s empty.

And he feels like kicking himself, because of _course_ , they’d have moved. It’s been well over ten weeks since they woke and at least three since Jim read that highly encouraging report on them.

Once their conditions were stabilized and they were ascertained to be no threat to the Federation, they’d have been released to try making a home for themselves in the current age. And Khan would be living right there with them.

It’s a matter of three minutes of snooping for Jim to find the address of the large mansion on the outskirts of the city, which the augments have temporarily turned into their home.

Only problem is, large mansions being co-habited by seventy superhumans with superhuman hearing don’t exactly make an ideal spot to rendezvous with your secret fuckbuddy and tell them you think you’re possibly in love with them. Not unless you wanted the shovel talk of the century from people who could cause some truly horrific pain.

He slinks back to his apartment, taking in the dull yellows and blues of the street lights on the pavement, feeling a lodestone weighing in his gut. The yearning is somehow _worse_ now than it was in space, knowing that Khan is so close-by, just on the other side of town…

With a sigh, Jim lets himself into his dark, musty apartment, closing the door behind him and starting to work off his Starfleet uniform.

“How was the mission?” that deep, delicious voice Jim’s been craving for weeks comes in a rumble from the far corner of the room.

Jim nearly trips over his feet. The overhead lights flick on and Khan stands from the corner armchair, smiling and actually looking _delighted_ to see him. Jim’s stomach does a few crazy backflips.

“It was the most excruciatingly boring mission of my life,” Jim answers on auto-pilot, standing frozen near the door, halfway out of his jacket. “Didn’t even get to punch anyone.”

“Ah, I see. Pity. No mission should conclude without some minor violence at the very least.” That dry-as-Sahara humor… Jim has _missed_ him.

“What are you doing here?” Why is he still talking – _Khan_ is _here_.

Surely Jim has better things to do with the man than talking when he looks so gorgeous in his form-fitting black t-shirt, paired with jeans that hug his curves _just_ right.

He looks truly relaxed and content in a way he’s never been since Jim first met him.

Happiness looks _lovely_ on him.

When Jim’s eyes flick back up, it is to see Khan looking at him with a strangely hopeful and… _vulnerable_ expression on his face. Jim’s heart decides to join the circus in his stomach.

“I heard you would be arriving back today.” Khan’s diction is sharp and precise, the way Jim knows it goes sometimes when he’s trying not to let emotions bleed through. “And I wished – I _needed_ …to see you. Because –”

Khan pauses, takes a deep breath, “I missed you, Jim.” He stands straight and tall, meeting Jim’s eyes head-on from across the room. They are a deep, deep blue in the warm living room light. “I had everything I wanted but there was still a shadow of emptiness in my heart – because you were not there beside me, where you belong. I _missed_ you.”

And behind those words, Jim hears the echo of three _other_ words. Words that would maybe find a voice in the future if he is brave enough to grab for this now. Brave enough to acknowledge the thing that’s been building between them, even in the beginning, since that very first day they clapped eyes on each other, fighting on opposite sides – blood and dust raining on him and nothing but rage in his veins.

Ultimately, it’s not even really a question.

Jim crosses the room in three quick strides, hands coming up to slide behind Khan’s neck and kisses him with everything he’s got.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thanks to [NurseDarry](http://archiveofourown.org/users/NurseDarry) for her cheerleading, friendship and mad Beta skills. Wouldn't be able to do this without you and your Trekkie knowledge.  
> This fic has been a long time coming, but hopefully you all enjoyed it! :)xx


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